I will never get use to waking up at 5:30am, ever. And, I can’t wait for the finale of American Idol Season 10, so I can get to sleep at a reasonable hour during the mid-week. It is really screwing up my internal-clock. Nonetheless, it is finally Saturday and I have taken a personal-day and have isolated myself with my thoughts.
Last week, I read an interview between Oprah and Maya Angelou and I told myself that this will be my blog inspiration. An undeniable, phenomenal comeback, if you will… but honestly, I’ve got nothing for you, except the article link .
My favorite part of the interview was when Maya elaborated on her concept of loving someone. Call me a hopeless romantic, but out of all the wise things that were said, I kept pondering the notion of loving someone at a distance. Is it possible? To love someone perfectly without being “in” love with them? I’ll end the blog with the exact answer from Maya Angelou…. and maybe she’ll help you decipher your own opinion….
Oprah: I once heard you say, “If you want to liberate someone, love them.”
Maya: That’s it. Not be in love with them—that’s dangerous. If you’re in love with your children, you’re in their lives all the time. Leave them alone! Let them grow and make some mistakes. Tell them, “You can come home. My arms are here—and my mouth is too.” Tell them, “I’m going to leave you alone. You want to listen to rock and rap? Well, I think it’s stupid, but help yourself.” When you really love them, you don’t want to possess them. You don’t say, “I love you and I want you here with me.” Naturally, if you love somebody, you do want to see their face every now and again, but that’s not a condition of your love. People often get possession mixed up with love, and they say, “If you really loved me, you would call me.” How—when life is going on? I think of you all the time, and the thought of you always lifts my spirits. But I’m not right at the phone!
Growing up, I was usually a quiet kid. Parents liked me. My peers were drawn to me. And, my teachers adored me. But, when someone would tease my friends or my brother I got really feisty and would defend them like it was my own life. My favorite “comeback” as a child was “I’m rubber; you’re glue.Whatever you say will bounce off me and stick to you.” My classmates hated it and it drove older kids crazy.
Now that I am a young adult, I still find myself defending others but now my favorite “comeback” has evolved to “I know I’m not perfect, but are you?” I’m not as confrontational as I use to be but I still find myself in childish ultimatums and quarrels with my adult friends. I suppose the inflicted pain of betrayal or slander still hurt the same even as we get older. It just takes a little longer to get over them now then it did as a child. When we were 5, it took ten minutes or less to forgive, forget, and start playing again and now it takes 10 days, weeks, years, or maybe never to forget a single one-time mistake or regret. We are all guilty of it, and I don’t have a solution to change it. All I know is that it exists and I despise it.
I’m not proud of this and I DON’T recommend this, but I deal with people issues by doing one of three things (1) avoiding, (2) ignoring, and/or (3) replacing. Why? Because, it is an easy way out. Why else? But honestly, I try every time to deal with the issues directly with my nemesis, but I think my natural response to conflict kicks in before I can. My instincts tell me that time is the only thing that will heal my pain and as the days, weeks, or months pass by I realize how pathetic and cowardly that excuse is, but by then it is too late. And, most of the time I end up replacing my fight, argument, or disagreement with something that ends up consuming me from the inside out anyway. Most of the time it is regret, guilt, or something in between, you would think that I would appreciate the alternative, but I’m stubborn and rarely like change.
However, recently I have realized that people come and go for a reason. People make mistakes and sometimes you aren’t able to repair the damages that have been made. But, what you can do is learn from it. You can do better to your next friend, or your next relationship. You see, I’ve learned that sometimes when confrontation arises between two people you both receive a gift, a gift of choice. You can choose to work things through, to forgive and forget, or to forgive and let go. There isn’t a right answer and the answer is circumstantial. But, it is a choice that should be made. Don’t be like me and just ignore, avoid, or replace the inevitable because then you are turning down a gift of choice. You end up giving away your obligation to choose the details in your life. Who comes in, goes out, and stays constant. You essentially lose control of your life and that will only drive you crazy or make you more depressed. I suppose with new year just around the corner, and I could use my own advice. I could use some controlling in my life. I mean out of all the things that were out of my control in 2010, at least I can control the people I confront, forgive, rebuke, or forget. The thought is exhilarating, so I can only imagine how it will feel when I put my thought into action. I’ll keep you posted on how it works for me… hopefully it’ll translate into my professional ambition as well. *Fingers crossed*
Women love to talk about men. We even use code language to meet up to talk about them- “girls’ night”, “lunch date”, “wine night”, “happy hour with the girlfriends”, “shopping date with the ladies”. In fact, when we are single, we talk about the type of men we want meet, when we are dating we talk about the different types of men, and when we finally settle down we are still talking about men, except now the majority of our conversation is about the differences between men and women. Can you think of the last time you met up with your girlfriends and not talked about men? Pretty tough huh? There isn’t anything wrong with it; I mean it is because of men that women have an instant connection with each other and we depend on each other to get through some of the tough times in our lives. Men are different intellectually, emotionally, and even physically. They have different hobbies, like different things, engage in different types of conversations, and my favorite – they don’t have PMS!
I think the difference between men and women are most prevalent during “that time of the month”. Once a month we become more sensitive, needy, passionate, and sentimental. We want more, but we don’t even know what we want. We just know that we don’t feel like “ourselves” but the world doesn’t stop for our grief, so we continue the best we know how… eating chocolate! (just kidding, sorta) So, my question is why is it that you are the best girlfriend and perfect companion for the entire month, but your significant other can’t give you one week to be a woman? Why is it that during “that time of the month” your partner expects you to fight biology? And, when he does give you some leeway for being sensitive one day – the next day it is automatically voided and immediately you owe him your perfect self again. I think there are three types of men.
Type A – The Warrior: the type that understands women and their needs during PMS week, but he puts up his guard and becomes defensive in every conversation because he is a proud warrior that defends his masculinity.
Type B – The Phantom: these men are the ideal partners for three weeks but when it is that time of the month, he is no where to be found. He avoids the PMS-you and patiently awaits for your non-PMS return.
Type C – The Hero : this is the ideal guy that understands the situation, but is sympathetic to that time of the month. He knows he must be a little more sensitive because you are on edge. He does this not because he devalues himself, but because he loves you for everything that you are and everything that you are not. He values the relationship and respects you for you – a woman. He, obviously, doesn’t like to fight and understands that it doesn’t mean he is less of a man to defuse arguments. He doesn’t run away or avoids – he is your hero and saves you from yourself.
So, what type of guy do you have and what type of partner do you desire? A reality show had some insightful advice, it said “The times that you are dating is the best that your relationship will ever be. After you get married, it gets more complicated because it binds you in a contract.” Anyway, think about it. If they don’t understand now, what makes you think they’ll get it tomorrow? Maybe it is time for a heart-to-heart despite what type of partner you have. If anything, at least it will save you from smeared mascara once a month!